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Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-07-28 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-07-28

What they want vs what they need

The Change Question: What do they want?

I’m editing The Coaching Habit, preparing a 10-year special edition for next year. It’s been quite a while since I read it closely. It’s pretty good, actually.

The Foundation Question, number four of seven in the book, is “What do you want?”

It’s a very powerful question, and a tricky one. Often, we’re not good at tapping in deeply to what it is that we want. Get clear on what we want — for us, for them, for the situation at hand — can be a moment of insight and the foundation for taking action.

Beyond want is need

As powerful as uncovering a want undoubtedly is, deeper still is understanding need.

In The Coaching Habit, I reference the work of Marshall Rosenberg (who in turn draws on that of economist Manfred Max-Neef), who proposes nine universal and self-explanatory needs.

Affection

Creation

Recreation

Freedom

Identity

Understanding

Participation

Protection

Subsistence

I can see how being thrown into a change experience pokes at least six of the nine.

Pick three

If you had to pick three of these as central to you and the way you live your life, which ones would they be? For me: Creation; Freedom; Identity.

There’s a one in 84 chance that yours and mine will be the same.

It might be useful to know how what matters deeply to you is affecting the change program you’re leading. How might those needs be having you over- or under-weight certain aspects of the process?

It might be useful to review what’s going on, and understand how it might be challenging some people’s deeply felt needs, and whether anything needs to be adjusted if so.

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-07-21 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-07-21

Where’s the friction?

The Change Question: Where’s the friction?

Bob Sutton — a future guest on the pod — says:

“Friction problems squander the zeal, damage the health, and throttle the creativity and productivity of good people.”

The point of managing the friction? To make the right things easier and the wrong things harder.

But what people get wrong about friction is they think it’s all bad. That nirvana is somehow a “friction-free” experience.

Friction-free certainly sounds like it would be efficient. But you could also label that as smooth, slick or Teflon: when nothing sticks, nothing sticks.

And if nothing sticks, nothing changes.

Warning: tortured cricket metaphor approaching

I appreciate that it’s only a small number of my readers who know about cricket. I grew up playing it in Australia, and even I don’t fully understand how a game that lasts five days could be interesting.

I played in my teens, and I was a bowler. Unlike in baseball, where they seem to replace the ball every 10 seconds or so if it becomes even slightly blemished (clearly, it’s the true “snowflake” of sports balls), one of the arts of cricket is to nurture the ball over 80 overs (240 “pitches”) as it gets beaten up and before you’re eligible for a new one.

One strategy is to polish one side of the ball, and keep the other side roughed up. That often allows the bowler to create some magic, as the ball starts to swing through the air. The polished side goes faster than the rough side, and everything gets trickier for the person batting.

You get the point.

You’re the bowler in the Change Project of Life.

What needs to be made faster, easier, slicker, smoother (or, channelling Leidy Klotz, removed altogether)?

And what needs a little more friction, to slow things down, deepen the engagement, and make things stick?

And a bonus: an early Tim Finn song to wrap things up.

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-07-14 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-07-14

What's everybody (secretly) getting from this dysfunction?

The Change Question:What's everybody (secretly) getting from this dysfunction?

The Change Question: What's everybody (secretly) getting from this dysfunction?

We underestimate just how much people love the status quo, even as they are irritated, frustrated, and trapped by the status quo.

It’s not that they like pain, or misery, or mediocrity.

It’s that they get something from it.

I often frame it as understanding the Prizes and Punishments from a choice.

Do it, don’t do it. There are prizes and punishments for either one of those choices.

If we’re wanting change, we typically shine a light on both the Prizes for the new system and the Punishments of the old.

We forget to understand more deeply the Prizes of things staying exactly as they are. They’ll be both deeply personal and quite generic:

Familiarity

I know my place

Certainty over ambiguity

Predictable drama

Not confronting

Sunk cost

People and systems to blame

Nostalgia

(What did I miss?)

Deming said, “Every system is perfectly designed to get the result that it does.”

The system resists change because that’s the nature of a system — yeah homeostasis! — but at a more atomic level, people love the system as it is, even as they feel frustrated by it.

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-07-07 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-07-07

What are you pretending to ignore?

The Change Question: What are you pretending to ignore?

The Change Question: What sacred rule will you break?

I journal most mornings, and one of the three questions I answer is:

What do you notice?

It’s there to invite me in to be more present to what’s actually going on.

What do I notice in front of me? The weather. The desk. The vibe.
What do I notice, somatically, about how my body’s showing up?
What do I notice about how I’m feeling about things?
What do I notice about what I’m noticing, about what’s grabbed my attention?
What do I notice about what I’m trying to ignore, that I know to be true nonetheless?

Those dagnabbit* moments

(*To be clear, I don’t actually say dagnabbit, but I’m trying to keep this Suitable for Work.)

Part of the power of journaling is a forcing function to notice what’s on the periphery. It’s happened often enough that it’s a familiar experience.

For me, it goes like this …

I’ve been feeling there’s something flitting through my consciousness, something disconcerting.

I finally turn to face whatever it is that’s been lurking there to see what it is.

I realize I’ve been trying to deny that it’s been there, hoping it might just get disappointed in my lack of attention, and go away ...

It hasn’t gone away.

And, dagnabbit*, now I’m looking at it, it’s pretty clear and obvious.

I’m going to have to acknowledge it.

And I’m going to have to face the consequences of my two choices: to do something about it, or to not do something about it.

What’s in your shadows?

Here’s what’s lurked there over the years for me, things that I’ve been pretending weren’t true:

Something’s off with someone on my team.
Something’s off with my boss.
The “why” of my change project isn’t compelling or even interesting.
My change sponsor doesn’t know what they’re doing and doesn’t really care.
We don’t have the resources we need.
We don’t know what success looks like.
There’s no strategic reason for this.
I’m depleted and exhausted.
There’s not enough change capacity in the organization to absorb this.
The problem is we’re not working hard enough.

And of course, my magical thinking, aka denial, about all of the above.

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-06-30 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-06-30

What sacred rule will you break?

The Change Question: What sacred rule will you break?

What if the principles by which you’re leading change fell into three buckets?

First, loose tactics

Useful things to do and rules of thumb that can be tweaked, adjusted, and discarded as required. They exist at a tactical level. Sometimes they’re appropriate, sometimes they’re not. “Use Slack, not email, to [this population] for [this type of message]”, as a bland example.

Second, proven guidelines

These might be the basics which you’ve learned, through study and experience, about how you lead change.

You might be drawing on Kotter, or Prosci, or something from McKinsey. This is your standard playbook, and you know how to run the playbook. This might be something like, “Always cascade communications through the formal hierarchy.”

Finally, sacred rules

Ah, those slippery, sacred rules.

Sacred rules are tricky and paradoxical. Because not only do we hold them to be inviolate … at the same time, we often don’t realize we hold them at all.

They exist at what the (late, great) Ed Schein would, in the context of understanding an organizational culture, call the “underlying assumptions” level. It’s the way you breathe, it’s the way you see the world, it’s water. I’ll give you some examples of sacred rules that are true for me.

“You can't sprint toward a finish line no one else can see.” Keep banging on about the vision.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has occurred.” (Thank you, George Bernard Shaw.) So, always communicate more.

“Nobody likes change, except a baby with a wet diaper/nappy.” There’s bound to be resistance.

“The middle managers will make or break your change effort.” Pour all your effort into that so-called “frozen middle”.

“Culture eats strategy for breakfast.” Not said by Charles Ducker, and I totally don’t agree with this. I think they’re the twin DNA strands of a successful organization. But it’s too popular a truism not to include.

I’m a vegetarian

So when people say “scared cows make for great steaks,” I don’t totally buy into the metaphor. But I do agree with the premise. But it’s not until you see your sacred rules, until you bring them into the light, that you can decide whether they still serve you, or whether they’re unduly influencing some of your plans.

So, let me ask you:

What feels so obvious, so true, so undeniable, so essential to the way you think about change, that it’s not even worth talking about?

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-06-23 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-06-23

What’s the easiest change for people to make?

The Change Question: What’s the easiest change for people to make?

I hope you’re ambitious for your change process.

We’re here, you’re here, to make a difference after all.

So why not dream big?

In a book of mine, How to Begin, I say “we unlock our greatness by working on the hard things,” and I believe that to be true.

But perhaps you, too, have felt the disappointment of the grand dream poorly realized. I’ve certainly been a victim of trying to shift my jazz-handing, big-talking, horizon-seeking dreams and strategies (I’m a “big thinker,” yes I am!) to more tangible ways of getting it done.

There’s nothing at all wrong with big dreams. Just don’t confuse that with needing grand strategies to execute them. In fact, more often, it’s small, steady, tactics and experiments that are required to make consistent progress.

In last week’s conversation with Roy Baumeister, the most influential voice on willpower, I was very struck with this piece of research he shared.

You have a limited stock of willpower, and it's used for all the same things. So each time you spend some willpower doing one thing, you make it less likely that you'll succeed at the others.

So start with the easiest change, because self-control is like a muscle. As you exercise it, you get stronger and you get better.

One of my former PhD students, Mark Moravian, worked with people trying to quit smoking, and that's the graveyard of psychological theories. Hardly anything works.

But he had people just practice strengthening their self-control for a couple of weeks with simple things. Like if you have the habit of opening the door with your right hand, well, use your left hand instead — little things like that. And he tripled the success rate of people quitting smoking.

I’m getting two a-has when I think of this.

First, it’s increasingly clear to me that the real, deeper role of a change agent is to build change capacity in your organization.

If you don’t have people who are curious, who have some self-control, who feel some agency, who have courage … it doesn’t matter how good your plans are, how enthusiastic your sponsors are, how large your budget is. Baumeister teaches us that small interventions, easy things to achieve, can help build great capacity for change.

Secondly, it’s a reminder that change is a complex, unpredictable, and emergent process. It always is.

That’s annoying for those of us who’d like something more predictable, something more “I’ll pull this lever, work this process, trigger this mechanism, and voila! I’ll get what I am hoping for.” I’m one of those people, by the way

But what is liberating about knowing this is that small changes can create big differences in a system. “The Butterfly Effect” is the title of the very first chapter of the very first book I read about complexity, James Gleick's forty-year-old Chaos: Making a New Science.

Hold big dreams for the changes you want to make. Find the story and the purpose in the work you do.

But realize that small and often easy habits, practices, tactics and experiments are how you’ll keep moving forward.

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-06-19 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-06-19

Where does your power lie?

The Change Question: Where does your power lie?

First, what is power?

I like the definition from Julie Battilana and Tiziana Casciaro’s book, Power, for All.

Power is the ability to influence another’s behaviour

You have power. It’s in some obvious and some not-so-obvious places.

Your power lies…

In those that report to you

In your reputation

In how well you know what your boss wants

In your ability to see patterns of function and dysfunction

In your empathy

In your willingness to say the hard thing

In your patience

In your capacity to manage the “failures” of small experiments

In your ability to build connections

In your courage to say no

In your willingness to keep a promise

In the generous act of listening well

In how well you know what your boss’s boss wants

In your attunement to who really has influence

In your ability to turn a marketing phrase

In the act of claiming power

I’m sure I’ve missed a thing or two.

What would you add?

Pod Wisdom: Resilience ≠ “pushing through the pain”

Dr Tasha Eurich, from the Change Signal episode "Shatterproof"

“Instead of pushing through, you start to pay attention. You say pain — biologically and psychologically — is a signal that something isn't quite right. The process of becoming shatterproof starts with that awareness that pain isn't a personal failure, it's a signal to pay attention.”

Dr Tasha Eurich is the author of Shatterproof.

Listen to the full episode with Tasha Eurich now

Why Work Feels Harder Than It Should — and What You Can Do About It

Miscommunication. Friction. That sense that something or someone is out of sync. Sound familiar?

The latest white paper from Box of Crayons, Navigating a Fractured Workplace, explores what’s really going on beneath the surface — and how Relational Curiosity can help leaders build trust, spark better conversations, and create more connected, resilient teams.

To learn how Curiosity can help you take on today’s biggest workplace challenges, download the full white paper.

The Last Word

"The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house."

~ Audre Lorde

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-06-12 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-06-12

Are you trusting?

The Change Question: Are you trusting?

I’ve been sitting with Rachel Botsman’s definition of trust:

A confident relationship with the unknown

There’s more to it than might meet the eye.

It’s not just saying, “Yes, things are ambiguous, and I’m pretty good at navigating the unknown.”

It’s actually asking, are you able to NOT navigate the unknown, but to sit with it, even more, to sit IN it.

To not only not know, but also not need to act on the not knowing.

(I think that’s a triple negative in that sentence, so clearly I’m moving towards some form of Zen enlightenment, but stick with me. I’m also still chopping wood and carrying water.)

Here’s another thing she said that made me pause:

If you are in the loop of everything, you're not trusting

“Keep me in the loop” sounds benign enough, but beneath the thin veneer of civil interest lurks … oversight … control … distrust.

Two questions from The Coaching Habit might be helpful here.

“How can I help?”

That’s you asking the other person. It might be someone on your change team, your change sponsor, or someone in that body of people you’re seeking to move through change. It asks you to put aside your presumption that you know what they want and need, and has you stay curious to understand how you might be of service.

Remember, just because they ask for something doesn’t mean you have to deliver. It’s easy to be anxious about this question because it can feel like you’re just adding to your overwhelm. But your range of answers include “no,” “maybe,” “not that, but this,” and of course “sure!

“What do I want?”

If the first question is figuring out what they want, this one is holding the mirror up to yourself to figure out what’s driving you. Honestly, I find this a tricky question to answer (it’s one of my daily journaling questions), but when I keep asking it … “What do I want? And what else do I want? And what else do I want? So what do I really want?” I get closer to understanding what makes me tick, what will make me trust and distrust.

Adult to adult relationships

At the heart of all I do lies this quest to help me and you and others build adult-to-adult relationships.

One way of defining that is asking for what you want, knowing the answer may be no, and being willing to negotiate the difference.

When you’re in the ebb and flow of change, having these types of relationships can make all the difference.

Generous. Boundaried. Trusting.

(If this article resonates, you’ll enjoy Otto’s interview, too.)

Pod Wisdom: Why are they resisting?

Otto Scharmer, from the Change Signal episode "The three voices sabotaging change"

“The success of an intervention depends on the interior condition of the intervener. So what's most important is least visible to the eye. It's the inner place from which we operate. I remember interviewing the late CEO of Hanover Insurance, Bill O'Brien, when he shared all his successes and failures with transformational change. He summed up his experience in the following line: "The success of an intervention depends on the interior condition of the intervener.”

Otto Scharmer is the creator of the U-Theory of change. His latest book is Presencing: 7 Practices for Transforming Self, Society, and Business.

Listen to the full episode with Otto Scharmer now

Get them on your side

Struggling with difficult personalities? MBS’s book, How to Work with Almost Anyone shows change leaders how to build a Best Possible Relationship with every key player. Transform resistance into connection into collaboration with a framework that will help your change initiative succeed.

“Actionable, practical strategies” ~ Brené Brown

Available online and at bookstores.

The Last Word

"What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create."

~ Buddha

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-06-05 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-06-05

How do you use your Friday afternoons?

The Change Question: How do you use your Friday afternoons?

Last week’s pod was a solo episode — me digging in and teaching the Karpman Drama Triangle.

I’ve spent an annoyingly large amount of time in the drama triangle, bouncing around the three roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. (You have too 🙂 … it’s one of those “I’m human” things.)

The time it was most helpful for me was twenty-four years ago, when I first moved to Canada. I was hired into a deeply dysfunctional role, “Director of Brand Alignment” (I think) … an “all hat, no cattle” role that was meant to drive internal change to reflect and amplify the external rebranding the organization was going through.

Our corporate HQ was in the middle of nowhere, a 90-minute bus ride home. The commute added insult to injury, but it did provide a consistent, predictable opportunity to review the week.

At the time, mostly what I did was notice (and somewhat despair of) the Drama Triangle pattern that kept playing out.

I had a boss who was under pressure for a failing change project (Project: persecutor; Boss: victim). She then came and took it out on her team (Boss: persecutor; Michael: victim then rescuer then victim then rescuer then victim then … you get the idea.).

Nowadays, I’d cast my net a little wider. I might try to answer some of these questions.

What do I notice?

What’s out there? What are the strong and the weak signals? What’s in my head? What’s in my heart?

This is a chance to gather feedback, audit near and far, inside and outside.

I also whisper to myself, as I answer this, “What am I pretending isn’t happening?”

What patterns are you seeing?

This is a “double click” on the first question. You’ve been around a bit. You’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. What are the dynamics that are showing up now?

The Drama Triangle is one lens, but not the only one.

What made this a good week?

It may very well have been a crappy week; but almost certainly it was not 100% pure misery.

Where, in Dan Heath’s words, are the bright spots? Have you been able to point those out to others, as well as yourself?

Who’s having a hard time?

It might be you. It might be someone on your team. It might be a group of people who are going through the change.

Remembering that people are up against it is one of the ways you keep the human in the change. It’s OK to feel compassion.

What might I stop, start and/or continue?

I like the triple-play of this question because it works as an idea-generating process.

You don’t have to act on everything you come up with. But you might ask yourself, which action on the list here might make the most difference?

We are busy busy busy. And we’ll never get “on top of things.” (I saw the delightful Oliver Burkeman speak last night, and if you’re not convinced by that previous sentence, you might read his latest book.)

Creating a regular routine for reflection may well allow you to be kinder to yourself, more strategic in your work, and more compassionate to those around you. A good return on ten minutes or so per week.

Pod Wisdom: Why are they resisting?

Rachel Botsman, from the Change Signal episode "Trust: Your Change Leader Superpower?":

"The low trust group, you have to manage with care. And these aren't always difficult people. These are often employees that are very invested and engaged in the organization, which is why they are asking questions that can feel like resistance. 'I really care about our culture. I really care about our people. I really care about this product or this service,' can feel like friction. Friction is energy. We have to remember that they’re not necessarily defensive or disengaged or disenchanted. That is someone saying, I really care that we do this right.”

Listen to the full episode with Rachel Botsman now

Get them on your side

“Actionable, practical strategies” ~ Brené Brown

Available online and at bookstores.

The Last Word

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

~ Carl Rogers

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-05-29 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-05-29

What’s the dysfunction you bring to the party?

The Change Question: What’s the dysfunction you bring to the party?

The Change Question: What’s the dysfunction you bring to the party? (Choice of 4)

What does it look like when you’re behaving badly?

Obviously, this is an extremely rare event, it’s almost impossible to bring an example to mind, but humour me just for the sake of the conversation …

How do you act when it’s all going pear-shaped?

How do you act to make it all go pear-shaped?

The podcast this week is about the Karpman Drama Triangle, and that’s juicy if you don’t yet know it. There’s more on that below.

But let me offer a different framework in this piece … flicks through the card catalogue of models …

Ah yes, John Gottman. Delightful.

Four horsemen

Do you know The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work? It’s one of my top-shelf books, an absolutely go-to for anything involving interactions between human beings.

It’s based on research from the Gottman “love lab,” which, to be honest, feels like a daunting place to visit. After four decades of gathering data, they claim they can tell within 90 seconds of observing interactions whether a couple will last together or not. 🫣

In the book, Gottman shares the “four horsemen of the apocalypse”: four communication behaviors that are corrosive to any relationship.

As you’re reading, ask yourself which one might be your go-to in difficult times. (Mine’s “stonewalling,” in case you were wondering.)

Criticism: Attacking the other person’s character rather than a specific behaviour or issue (which would be a complaint).

Contempt: Gottman says this is the most destructive pattern — when you treat the other person with disrespect. At its most extreme, it’s things like ridicule, mimicking, or eye-rolling. There are also more subtle ways you can transmit this sense of moral superiority.

Defensiveness: This might be moving into Victim mode, or perhaps you think attack is the best form of defence. Whatever it is, it’s definitely not your fault.

Stonewalling: This is when you back out of the interaction, shutting down, or tuning out. It’s quiet, but it’s quite the power play when the other person can only shout into the void.

It’s easy with all of these to imagine the more obvious and extreme versions of each of these.

I’m more curious about the subtle ways they play out, the sneaky ways we let ourselves down at times.

Working in change is hard, and there are daily reasons to get wound up about what’s going on.

Working on yourself is part of the process.

Pod Wisdom: Drama!

MBS from the Change Signal episode "Are you a Change drama queen?":

"You never leave the drama triangle behind. The goal is to notice more quickly that you're in the drama triangle, get out of it more efficiently, and stay out of it longer.”

Listen to the full episode with MBS now

How to Work with (Almost) Anyone

The Coaching Habit un-weirded coaching and made it an everyday tool for managers and leaders alike.

Now, How to Work with (Almost) Anyone un-weirds psychological safety.

Our working relationships have a huge impact on our happiness and success. This is the practical book that helps you build the Best Possible Relationship with all the people that matter.

Brené Brown says, “Actionable, tactical strategies. And the wisdom is real — it sticks.”

Available online and at bookstores.

The Last Word

“There are new experiences to be found, when you go past your limits, which aren’t like the old ones scaled up. They’re something distinct. Unanticipated and unanticipatable. I don’t know how to explain it better than that! It seems to me that this is true of so many things. The only way to know what it’s like to run mile 22 is to run 21 miles first, you can’t shortcut your way there.”

~ Matt Webb from “tl;dr I ran a marathon at the weekend and it was hard”

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-05-22 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-05-22

Five Juicy Change Questions

Five juicy change questions

We’re 14 episodes along in the Change Signal pod, and I’ve spent some time distilling a few of the juicy questions that have emerged.

There’s a cornucopia. These guests are so smart. But in the end, I’ve got these five to offer you today.

1. Creation or change: What’s your language? (David Lancefield)

Language really matters. When I started in this world, it was all “change management,” and since then it’s moved on to “change,” flirted with “transformation,” doubled down on “digital transformation,” and seems to have come back to “change.” Or maybe not. Maybe now it’s just “everything.”

And if we’re confused, imagine what it’s like when you’re not in it so much as being subjected to it!

So what do you call this thing we do? When we say “change” or “transformation,” it’s useful to know we might just be triggering resistance from everyone we hope will be on our side.

David tells us:

"I tend to use more words that focus on creation rather than change. If you talk about ‘How do we create something? How do we make something which will involve change?’ I think it triggers different emotions."

Listen to the full conversation with David here.

2. What’s the dragon protecting? (Dr. Liane Davey)

I remember one time when we sweepingly labelled all the managers as “the frozen middle,” that great slab of people who were going to be against our ambitious change plans.

It might be true, as Bobby Kennedy (not the ‘health’ one) said, that “25% of people are against everything all the time.” But it’s more the way we respond to them. Not up for my change? Well, it’s obvious You vs. Me.

But what if they were champions for something that mattered? What if they were, in fact, reminding us of something precious? Here’s Liane’s memorable metaphor:

"If the dragon is breathing fire, it's because they're protecting treasure."

You find not just dragons, but tents and rowers in Liane’s episode, which you can listen to here.

3. What if you added “vibe” to your metrics? (Dr Jason Fox)

Deciding what to measure as part of the change project is always a slippery task. Some things are too small, some too big, some trailing, some leading … sometimes it can feel like you’re trying to track the entire world, other times you’re groping forward in the dark. And even when you find something to hang on to, I was always reminded that what can be measured can be manipulated.

It’s clear that Jason’s a philosopher and a provocateur in his episode, willing to poke at the standard ways of doing things. He knows full well that things need to be measured, but suggested an alternative or perhaps an addition. Here’s how Jason puts it:

"Vibe is a beautiful word that articulates complex nonlinear emergent dynamics that are, if you were trying to put your finger on anything specific, too weak or too imprecise."

Jason’s full episode awaits your pleasure here.

4. Where are your best leverage points? (Dan Heath)

One of my bosses had a screensaver: “When you chase two rabbits, you catch neither.” I’ve found that out through a thousand other metaphors. Rolling too many peanuts forward. Throwing too much spaghetti at the wall. Hoping that a flurry of activity will make up for not knowing what the real challenge was.

Dan Heath’s got a long history of making complicated ideas feel doable, and his latest book on change is no different. He resets the idea of the theory of constraints in a practical way. Here’s how he puts it:

"When we're trying to change systems, find a leverage point within the system, a place where a little bit of investment yields a disproportionate return."

Dan’s episode is ready for your listening pleasure even as we speak.

5. What euphemisms are disguising your intentions? (Margaret Heffernan)

Who hasn’t listened to a leader’s speech and wondered, just what are they actually talking about? Change projects often bring out the metaphor, the euphemism, and the jazz hands.

“Don’t worry about the details, it’s going to be fine. Onwards!” Margaret is a straight-shooter, and has no time for that. It’s nothing against metaphor, it’s the patronizing infantilization she objects to. She’s appropriately blunt about explaining her point:

“If you're doing a cost-cutting program. Call it that. Let's not pussyfoot around. You fool nobody, and you just make people incredibly cynical."

You can hear what else Margaret has no time for here.

Which one strikes a chord for you?

Each of these insights shines a light on a different part of the change process. Some are about big picture things, others are about the details. They all matter.

Which one felt most helpful for you today?

Pod Wisdom: Stop searching for agreement

Adam Kahane, from the Change Signal episode "You have to work with the resistance.":

"You're not going to be able to figure it out before you start. You're not going to be able to have the right answer and get everybody to agree to it. You're not going to be able to tell people what to do. You're going to have to feel your way. What do we agree on? What do we not agree on? What do we have in common? What's different? What can we try next? What's my role in this?”

Listen to the full episode with Adam Kahane now

Adam Kahane has worked to change social systems at all scales for over thirty years. His most recent book is Everyday Habits for Transforming Systems.

ACMP: The Virtual Change Management Conference of the Year

Gather with thought leaders from the field of change management and related disciplines for three days of dynamic education and networking at the ACMP conference.

Association of Change Management Professionals (ACMP) is a Change Signal partner.

The Last Word

“Thousands of people don’t like what I do. Fortunately, millions do.”

~ James Patterson

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-05-15 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-05-15

What’s the least you can do?

The Change Question: What’s the least you can do?

When we teach practical coaching skills at Box of Crayons, our three mantras are: Be Lazy, Be Curious, Be Often.

They’re deliberately provocative, because they often upend what people think coaching “should” be.

I particularly like the “be lazy” one. I suspect its inspiration started with that delightful quote from George Bernard Shaw:

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

Which led me to Bill Gates:

I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.

Which got me to that classic “2 x 2” with lazy/not lazy on one axis, and smart/not smart on the other.

I suspect many change leaders are not lazy and smart. And I’d like you, yes you, to get a little lazier.

What’s tricky is, to do that well, you may need to get a little smarter and a little braver as well.

You’ll need to step back and see the system as messy, complex, emerging.

You’ll need to do the hard analysis, so you can take your best guess at the intervention that will make the most difference.

You’ll have to tell people no, and people rarely like to be told no.

You’ll have to let things keep failing, and bear people’s disgruntledness.

You’ll have to do less, but do it better. Commit ferociously to something.

You’ll have to manage your own anxieties about the ambiguities.

It’s irritating, really. Being lazy and doing less seems very appealing, but it might just take more work after all.

Want to go deeper? You’ll enjoy my conversation with Dan Heath on the Change Signal pod. We talk leverage points and committing resources.

Pod Wisdom: Invite them in

Cassandra Worthy, from the new Change Signal episode "Can Feelings Fast-Track Your Transformation?":

"When we leave emotion at the door of business, we leave humanity at the door of business. And we can't afford to do that, if we want to remain relevant, competitive, thrive and win. That is the change myth that drives me into action and irritates me the most. The idea that feelings and inviting feelings into the conversation is going to slow us down and that we don't have time for it.”

Listen to the full episode with Cassandra Worthy now

Cassandra Worthy is a renowned Change Management expert, speaker, and author of Change Enthusiasm: How to Harness the Power of Emotion for Leadership and Success.

ACMP: The Virtual Change Management Conference of the Year

Gather with thought leaders from the field of change management and related disciplines for three days of dynamic education and networking at the ACMP conference.

Association of Change Management Professionals (ACMP) is a Change Signal partner.

The Last Word

"Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge."

~ Audre Lorde

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-05-08 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-05-08

What’s your best change wisdom? (Tell me, please.)

The Change Question: What’s your best change wisdom?

The Change Question: What’s your best change wisdom?

You’re reading this, so there are some educated guesses I can make about you.

You’re smart.

You’ve collected some scars and some trophies from change projects past.

You’re generous.

You’re very, very good-looking.

(I’m confident you score at least 50% on that test. 🙂)

Knowing all this to be true, I’m curious to know what your Best and Most Essential Change Wisdom might be. A tool, a framework, a strategy, a discipline, a teacher, a podcast … whatever you think I should know about.

I’m most curious about your High Impact/Less Well Known wisdom/tools/strategy.

Here’s what I mean by that. Cue, classic consultant 2 x 2 matrix.

On the vertical axis, impact (low, high).

On the horizontal axis, well-known-ness (low, high).

I’m less interested in what falls into your two “low impact” boxes.

But very curious about what’s in your “high impact” ones.

You might find my solo podcast episode on auditing your tools a helpful listen.

I’m here to cut through the blather, the BS, and the noise to find the good stuff that works. This is newsletter #14. Thanks for helping me in that quest.

Pod Wisdom: A one-word shift to turn resistance into engagement

David Lancefield, from the Change Signal episode "What Are Your Top Three Decisions?":

"I tend to use words that focus on creation rather than change. It's amazing if you go into the boardroom, in the most senior corridors, and you talk about change or transformation — it's very passive and it creates fear. But if you talk about how do we create something? I think it just triggers a different part of the brain, emotions. It's a lean forward moment, and you actually want to start doing stuff.”

Listen to the full episode with David Lancefield now

David Lancefield is a senior strategist, coach, and catalyst who has worked in more than 30 countries as a senior partner at a major consultancy, written numerous Harvard Business Review articles, and now helps senior leaders make their strategies smarter and more doable.

ACMP: The Virtual Change Management Conference of the Year

Gather with thought leaders from the field of change management and related disciplines for three days of dynamic education and networking at the ACMP conference.

Association of Change Management Professionals (ACMP) is a Change Signal partner.

The Last Word

"I followed the road less traveled, and now I’m lost, send snacks."

~ Anonymous

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-05-01 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-05-01

Who’s the villain in this play?

The Change Question: Who’s the villain?

You’ll never see a baddie in a movie opening up an Apple laptop to do dastardly things, nor texting their gang of thugs on an iPhone.

Apple, allegedly, has a “no villain” clause, which means you never see their tech in the hands of a Criminal Mastermind or anyone employed in their Web of Deceit.

Which is all very well for Apple.

But if you lead change, you benefit from having someone or something to go up against.

Medicine v Vitamins

It’s a truism in marketing that it’s easier to sell medicine than vitamins.

Medicine fixes something. Vitamins make something good, better. (I’m not a medical doctor, nor do I play one when writing newsletters, so I’m sure this isn’t the whole truth, but you get the point. 🩺🙂)

Medicine battles the villain of illness.

Find your villain.

And next, help people become heroes.

But that’s a topic for another Change Signal newsletter.

Pod Wisdom: The dragon’s treasure

Liane Davey, from the Change Signal episode "Your Change Team Needs More Conflict, Not Less"

"If the dragon is breathing fire, it's because they're protecting treasure. What we tend to do when the dragon breathes fire — someone is being emotional, or whatever — is protect ourselves. We start to put bricks of facts in a wall between us. “Well, this report says this and this stat says that…” This does nothing for the dragon. It just builds a wall. So instead, what you have to do is deploy another skill. You need to ask ‘open drawbridge’ questions. Learn to ask questions to get the dragon to open the drawbridge and then draw you the treasure map."

Listen to the full episode with Liane Davey now

Liane Davey is the author of The Good Fight, a Change Signal Top Shelf book.

Overcome the Toughest Workplace Challenges with Relational Curiosity

Tense conversations, feedback that doesn’t land, and frequent miscommunication—these challenges are exhausting and all too common.

The latest research paper from Box of Crayons, Navigating a Fractured Workplace, uncovers the root of these issues and reveals how Relational Curiosity can foster trust, strengthen collaboration, and help teams thrive.

Download the white paper today and take your first step toward a stronger, more connected workplace.

Box of Crayons is a Change Signal sponsor.

The Last Word

"I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way."

~ Jessica Rabbit, Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-04-24 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-04-24

What’s the most important number?

The Change Question: What’s the most important number?

When it comes to measurement, I try to remember four things.

1. If that number going up or down doesn’t generate a response (stop something, start something, do more of something), why is it being measured?

2. No number is perfect. “The map is not the territory.” Trailing or lagging indicators are, by definition, about what’s already happened. Leading indicators often have a slightly flimsy link to the work that’s being done.

3. It’s helpful to know what “good enough” is, as well as “excellent.”

4. "When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure." (Goodhart’s Law)

I suspect many change programs have an excess of metrics, most of which aren’t important enough; and people don’t fret enough about the key number(s) that matters most.

It feels like (really) hard work, but important, to decide the most important number you’re measuring.

What, in other words, is the priority? (My friend Liane Davey, who’s coming on the pod soon, has a rant about the etymology of “priority,” which means “first in importance.” So prioritiES plural is an oxymoron.)

But, honestly, this is one of my weaker areas in change management. So, teach me please!

What am I missing, and what am I getting wrong?

What’s an example of a single, essential metric?

And who should I have on the podcast to teach me about really smart measurement for change management programs?

Pod Wisdom: This is WAY better than the “burning platform”

John Zeratsky, from the Change Signal episode "Stop Planning, Start Prototyping Change":

"Declare a good emergency. Be really clear with everybody that you are doing something different because it's important. We know that emergencies are powerful, right? We know that they work. They seem to create time where there is none. They seem to be able to magically shift people's priorities, their sense of clarity. So why don't we harness that for good?"

Listen to the full episode with John Zeratsky now

John Zeratsky is the author of Sprint: Solve Big Problems and Test New Ideas in Just Five Days and Click: How to Make What People Want: both Change Signal Top Shelf books.

Overcome the Toughest Workplace Challenges with Relational Curiosity

Tense conversations, feedback that doesn’t land, and frequent miscommunication—these challenges are exhausting and all too common.

Download the white paper today and take your first step toward a stronger, more connected workplace.

Box of Crayons is a Change Signal sponsor.

The Last Word

"Progress is not going in a straight line. It goes up and down, but it’s progress all the same."

~ Thasunda Duckett, CEO of TIAA

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-04-17 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-04-17

What would “going all in” look like?

The Change Question: What would “going all in” look like?

On my desk is a volume knob.

It’s there to remind me of this scene.

“You’re at 10 on your guitar, and where can you go from there? Nowhere.”

In Dan Heath’s pod episode last week he talked about “stacking resources” on the leverage points of change. (That’s a pretty bland sentence. He’s vastly more entertaining than I’ve made him sound.)

I thought I might get a little rock and roll, and reframe that as “going to 11.”

Or if Spinal Tap isn’t your thing, then perhaps “going all in.”

Hold nothing back

First, identify your leverage point, the place where effort will make a difference.

Then think about the resources you have. Here’s a list to start you off:

Time, people, money, attention, courage, relationships, favours owed, expertise within and without the team, leverage over, physical space, technology, reputation, credibility …

Then, imagine if you will …

Saying no to the other projects, and pulling resources away from them.

Putting all your people on this, rather than spreading them thin.

Leaving some fires to burn.

Not doing business as usual, as usual.

Spending all your budget.

Bringing in the very best expertise.

Cashing in reciprocity, and asking for favours owed.

Showing up with confidence and swagger.

It’s a little scary, isn’t it?

And probably madness to go all the way. Probably.

But perhaps a little less spreading your bets, CYA-ing, and timidness might be the play that will shake things up and make a difference.

But often, seeing and sharing what’s hard can bring its own measure of relief.

Pod Wisdom: What’s dwelling in the shadows?

Dr Jason Fox, from the Change Signal episode "Are You Blinded by the ‘Change Obvious'?":

"Many people fixate upon the shining obvious thing, the thing that everyone's talking. And when you fixate upon something that's shining bright, it means that it's harder to see what exists in the penumbra. Your eyes need to take more time to adjust to what is emerging elsewhere. Often the big shining thing means that we are blinded to, or at least miss, some of the adjacent opportunities. The wise and savvy amongst us have their acuity cast wide. We're paying attention to what is emerging. It's curiosity, it's empathy, it's attunement to weak signals, it's active sense making, it's comparing notes, it's epistemological humility … it's learning."

Listen to the full episode with Jason Fox now

Dr Jason Fox is author of How to Lead a Quest, one of my Change Signal Top Shelf books.

Overcome the Toughest Workplace Challenges with Relational Curiosity

Tense conversations, feedback that doesn’t land, and frequent miscommunication—these challenges are exhausting and all too common.

Download the white paper today and take your first step toward a stronger, more connected workplace.

Box of Crayons is a Change Signal sponsor.

The Last Word

“The greatest danger in times of turbulence is not the turbulence — it is to act with yesterday’s logic.”

~ Peter Drucker

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-04-10 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-04-10

How’s your team holding up?

The Change Question: How’s your team holding up?

Your team might be a little more eloquent than I was as a teenager.

(“How was school?” “Good.” “How are you?” “Good.” “Everything OK?” “Mmmmm.”)

But maybe not much.

We’ve ritualized the check-in until, often enough, it’s become an empty exchange.

“How are you doing?”

“Well, you know.” “It’s nuts, right?” “Oh, sigh, fine I guess.” “Busy.” “WTF, but what can you do?”

And that’s (too often) the way you answer the question yourself.

And, what can you do?

Sometimes, not much. It’s worth saying that up front.

But bringing the questions — “How are they doing? And how am I doing?” to your attention, getting a little closer to the truth, and being more present to what’s there, is more helpful than you might suppose.

There are clues in their/your vibe. Compared to normal, do you experience …

Slow breath vs held breath

Calm vs frenetic

Supple vs brittle

Wide perspective vs narrowed focus

Still vs twitchy

Light vs heavy

If you were to ask some questions to learn more, to diagnose more specifically what might be going on, then perhaps …

What do you feel responsible for?

How would you want to shift your load?

What do you (still) have capacity for?

What would make things easier?

What’s hard right now?

You don’t have to fix it

The fear of tapping into those vibes and asking those questions is sometimes the anxiety, the dread, that you’ve got to make everything alright for everyone. That’s an impossible task, a crushing burden.

If you can do something, great.

As with all change, sometimes small moves can make a big difference.

But often, seeing and sharing what’s hard can bring its own measure of relief.

Pod Wisdom: The two change muscles every leader must develop

Dan Heath from the Change Signal episode "You’re Over-Flexing This Change Muscle":

"We have what I consider to be twin muscles. One bicep is the problem-solving bicep. That's the dumpster fire chasing bicep. And we work that thing all the time... And then we've got another bicep that's the success spotting and reproducing bicep that is just sad and weak and flaccid because of lack of use. But their power, their potential power is exactly the same."

Listen to the full episode with Dan Heath now

Dan Heath’s most recent book is Reset: How to Change What’s Not Working, one of my Change Signal Top Shelf books.

Overcome the Toughest Workplace Challenges with Relational Curiosity

Tense conversations, feedback that doesn’t land, and frequent miscommunication—these challenges are exhausting and all too common.

Download the white paper today and take your first step toward a stronger, more connected workplace.

Box of Crayons is a Change Signal sponsor.

The Last Word

“Change is hard because people wear themselves out. And that’s the second surprise about change: What looks like laziness is often exhaustion.”

~ Chip Heath and Dan Heath, Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-04-07 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-04-07

The Drama Triangle, live!

The Karpman Drama Triangle

I hosted a Linkedin Live on Thursday.

I talked about the Karpman Drama Triangle, one of the most powerful models I know to better understand your and others’ dysfunctional behaviour during times of stress.

It’s no more than 30 minutes and I think you’ll find it useful.

You can watch the replay here. (And do feel free to share it with colleagues who might also be interested.)

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-04-03 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-04-03

What flavour of resistance are you facing right now?

The Change Question: What flavour of resistance are you facing right now?

The Change Question: What flavour of resistance are you facing right now?

Here’s a distinction I find ridiculously helpful: the cynic v the skeptic.

Cynics

They’ve already made up their mind about you and your plans, and it’s not good.

The etymology of the word is “dog-like,” and I always imagine the cynic lifting their leg on my fire hydrant of hope.

Bobby Kennedy said, “One-fifth of the people are against everything all the time.”

Bingo.

You can’t win over the cynics.

Skeptics

They’ve had their heart broken a thousand times.

They’re doing all they can to protect it from being broken again.

But, against all odds, there’s still a tiny flame of hope still burning.

Perhaps, this time, communication will be clear, promises will be kept, humanity will be remembered.

Love your skeptics.

They can be your greatest forces for change.

How much is enough

You don’t need to win over everyone to make progress.

Accounts differ, with some evidence for it being as little as 10% of a population, but as a useful rule of thumb, winning over “just” 25% of the population is enough to create a tipping point.

That’s no small task.

A bold challenge

Ignore 75% of the population.

Bring your full attention and resources to your selected 25%.

And don’t include the cynics.

Pod Wisdom: Ugh! What a question

Cassandra Worthy, from the Change Signal episode "Ignore the Cynics, Win the Skeptics":

"In the other plus-minus box, you have the frameworks that have high impact, but are underused. So why are you underusing them? I mean, who knows? You don't quite understand them yet. You haven't got to grips with them. They scare you a bit. Maybe they ask a bit too much of you. They're too challenging. But these might be worth taking a good look at because it's in that box you might find a breakthrough approach that can really boost the success of the transformation that you're leading right now."

Listen to the full episode with Cassandra Worthy now

Cassandra Worthy is the founder of Change Enthusiasm.

Overcome the Toughest Workplace Challenges with Relational Curiosity

Tense conversations, feedback that doesn’t land, and frequent miscommunication—these challenges are exhausting and all too common.

Download the white paper today and take your first step toward a stronger, more connected workplace.

Box of Crayons is a Change Signal sponsor.

The Last Word

"Progress is a nice word. But change is its motivator. And change has its enemies. Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."

~ Robert F. Kennedy

Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-03-27 Michael Bungay Stanier 2025-03-27

You, under stress. What’s your move? (4 options.)

The Change Question: How do you respond to the stress of the moment?

You are an animal.

Not like this. (🙂)

Mary Oliver gets us closer: You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

But I’m thinking in the most basic of ways: flesh and blood, beating heart, and lizard brain.

Under stress our clever prefrontal cortex throws up its hands and throws in the towel.

Our amygdala, that lizard brain, takes control and has four ways to respond.

Two you know already, fight or flight.

Flight: Run away and retreat. Go quiet, go silent, disappear.

Fight: Bluster up, attack is the best form of defence, so take no prisoners.

But there are two others: fawn or faint.

Fawn is to play nicey-nice. No conflict, no difficulties, make sure you cover up the rifts and pour oil on any troubled waters. You’re masterful at that martyr-like leap forward and take the blame and take the responsibility.

Faint? Well, you probably recognize this move. It’s a stationary version of flight, where you play dead for as long as you can, and hope no one notices that the wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.

Fight or flight, fawn or faint.

What’s your go-to?

You’re probably half-decent at all four, but most likely you’ll have a default response.

Mine? Faint. I’m still here, just pretending that I’m not. I’ve been called “the VP of Bottlenecking” more than once in my professional career.

How about you?

Pod Wisdom: If you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail

It’s me, from the Change Signal episode "An MBS change tool: Audit what works (and what doesn’t.)":

Listen to the full episode now

Overcome the Toughest Workplace Challenges with Relational Curiosity

Tense conversations, feedback that doesn’t land, and frequent miscommunication—these challenges are exhausting and all too common.

Download the white paper today and take your first step toward a stronger, more connected workplace.

Box of Crayons is a Change Signal sponsor.

The Last Word

“I was peeling a red apple from the garden when I suddenly understood that life would only ever give me a series of wonderfully insoluble problems. With that thought an ocean of profound peace entered my heart.”

~ Christian Bobin

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